It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize