I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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