i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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