I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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