I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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