we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
