I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
