Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.

Fav 6 1115 1967
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(773): View more from Illinois

My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.

Fav 1 924 1129
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(303): View more from Colorado

So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.

Fav 34 1164 6018
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.

Fav 7 1014 3211
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.

Fav 12 3250 1213
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.

Fav 4 792 881
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.

Fav 2 1434 666
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(404): View more from Georgia

It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!

Fav 4 884 535
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(540): View more from Virginia

You were crying hysterically

(540): View more from Virginia

So that's why my heels were in the oven...

Fav 0 20 35
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