she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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