sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
