There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
