Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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