dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
