My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
