Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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