my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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