I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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