I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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