dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
