We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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