What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
