dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
