If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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