you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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