i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize