you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
