wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
