I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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