I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
