Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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