I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
