I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
