I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
