You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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