wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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