tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
