Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
