"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
whose parrot is this?
I am one with the molecules
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
