Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You need Xanax blowdarts
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
