While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
