My boss' voice literally gives me gas
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
