Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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