Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
