that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my liver is dry heaving
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
