when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
