You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
