wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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