brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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