Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize