3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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