Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
