How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
