Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
