The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
