You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My balls are so social today.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
