He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
