so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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