i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
