That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
