they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
did i walk over a car last night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All the doctor said was why
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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