why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
