i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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