Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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