My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
do nipples grow back?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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