and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
