He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
