she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
