i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
