true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize