Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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